Feast or Famine

Hello all,

I am happy to report that things continue to go well as I follow the basics of the Perfectly Produce plans. I say the basics because I did minimal cooking this week - just a couple of my favorite items from the Spring recipes. I'm watching my cash flow like a hawk lately.

I also sorta freaked out about my weight recently. Broken engagement + friend in town + summer time + lack of discipline = I am now literally AFRAID to weigh myself.

I know it sounds silly but I think a lot of people can relate to that. I know that my approach to weight loss and body image probably isn't the dead spit of normality, but whose is? We all have our comfort zone. For me, mine is anything under 140 lbs. If I go over 140, I flip out. I stop weighing myself and flip the heck out.

Well, all this hit me as soon as a good friend of mine left for home - she stayed with me for over a week and I was kind of in the "ahhh the hell with it" mindset.

So since then, I have been spending 2-ish hours at the gym almost every night and sticking to meal suggestions at all times - NO snacking in between (yes, I am proud of myself, thank you very much). I tend to lose it at night, though. Particularly because it has been so hot here lately and I haven't been sleeping well.

Even that has been petering off, though, and I find myself beginning to swing in the opposite direction.

In college, I had a brief stint with some disordered eating. I won't call it an "Eating Disorder" - it was too short lived for that and it turned out I COULD actually stop when I wanted to, but suffice to say I didn't eat enough, or well, and sometimes didn't even keep it down. Show me a college coed who hasn't at least had one experience with this and I will show you a fibber.

Anyway, weight loss is addictive. I find myself tempted to skip meals, as in "oh, well I had that bowl of ice cream last night so I won't eat breakfast" or "oh, I just got back to from the gym and I'm so tired I could probably just go to bed without eating..."

Not good. The problem is, especially at night, once I start eating I can't seem to stop very easily. I think I just need to eat more slowly and do the "wait 30 minutes before grabbing seconds" thing, but I've always wondered why it's so relatively easy for me to be "good" during the day and such a crazy chow hound at night. I have a thing about trying to sleep on an empty stomach, too, but here's the really nutty part:

I know if I start eating I'll probably overeat, so I'm tempted not to eat at all. Nuts, huh? This is what results in my weight fluxuating up and down within the same 15 - 20 pounds my whole adult life. WTF?

On a positive note, I feel flipping great, and I haven't been giving in to the urges to skip meals - except maybe once or twice. My skin looks good too, I think that's a result of multivitamins plus water, plus healthy eating and exercise (go figure - it's the lifestyle, stupid!)

Now I just have to work on getting more sleep. It is literally the key to having a good tomorrow, if you think about it. It's a little tough right now due to circumstances outside my control (i.e. mother nature), but I have been good lately about making myself go to bed at a fairly reasonable hour (yay me).

We're on the up swing, folks. Also, something occurred to me at the gym today:

I am happy.

I am happier than I have been in a long, long time. I am living almost exactly the way I want to. I have a good job, I eat well, sleep well, exercise regularly, do fun stuff in my time off, have a career goal in sight, and yeah...all is well with the world. The last time I felt this good was college, I think. So this time around, I think I'd like to try a wiser, more balanced version of happy, please and thank you.

Cheers to that, folks. May you find wisdom and balance and happiness.